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» Monday, June 8, 2009 / -1:39 PM

Confession Of Aqmalbaik

heyy yall . act i don't really feel like to post this entry in my blog . but as i recall the reason why i created this blog , is to express everything i feel inside this blog. its not just the blog , its probably more than that. i didn't create this blog just for popularity or else . but to release all the feeling that i secured deep in my heart. and now i want to write something that i didn't plan to post actully because for me i think this thing is quiet personal or private and i was like didn't really told anyone that i didn't know, something like my secret or some kinda personal stuff. i am quiet a private person. but as this is my blog i still wanted to post about it. right now i am feeling quiet down. i was like in the phase of sadness and maybe a bit depression. Its actully about my future. the future that i was crazy about. the thing that i was dreaming about , planned for and always sticks to my head. I am in the middle of confussion about my further study. I got two choices whether to choose architecture as my field or to persue with the civil engineering. back to months ago , i checked my application to the university but sadly i didn't get the chance to study in the civil engineering programme. i was trully devastated with the result and i suffered some kinda emotional unstability. i was so shocked and dissappointed because at that time , civil engineering is really the thing that i was to do. my heart is like really focused on the field and when i finds out that i don't even stand a chance for it my mind was like dead and i cant think anymore. i was like has put everything on it. and after quiet some time i made up my mind that perhaps civil engineering is not for me. so i resent back my application and i pray to god i'll accept what even He has set on me. i got two choices , civil engineering or architecture. as i didnt get a place in civil engineering i turn my attention back to architecture. it was like back to my past , architecture is the thing that i have been interested since i was a little kid. since we were kids we always being told to have an ambition and my ambition that i kept in mind on that time is really an architect. i really likes to draw and get into the know about the technology of the architecture around the globe and i likes to see the marvel or supertall buildings , because of that i wanted to become an architect. So back to present i made up my mind and i wanted to choose architectural field to further my study. and this time my attention is back to my past and architecture has really got me. when i look on the bright sight i was thankful because i didn't get the offer for civil engineering studies. and my minds was already gone crazy over architecture. i was thinking that civil engineering is probably too hard and i'm afraid i can't deal with it. there's too many principles, calculation and formulas in civil engineering rather than architecture that according to my understanding it could be a lot more simplier , just design it. as i told i really like the field of architecture, since i was kid until form 4. starting that time i took a major tranformation to my life when i pick a civil engineering studies at school. so there it goes two years and i seems like have changed where at that time i already love civil engineering and i swap my ambition to become an engineer , no longer an architect. but as it all fated , now i experiencing another swap where from civil engineering my attention is back to architecture. i applied for architecture , but this time i really don't count on it so much. i don't want to be hurt again as before. i leave it all to the god almighty. i prayed everyday and even right now i love architecture more than civil engineering, yet i'm still not really depents and hope so much on architecture. i told myself to accept whatever i got and if i got architecture that means that is the best for me, but if i got civil engineering , that is the field that i should take. so now it all has been revealed and i already know what i am now. before i know it all, i really hope that my major is architectural but if not i will just accept it. so i checked my result and my field is really civil engineering. it's so funny because at first i applied for it but i fail to get it until my hearts is like, being stolen for another field that i also love since kid and that was architecture. and now i checked back i got the civil engineering not the architecture. trully i was like wanted to cry when i finds out about this, but i somehow didn't have the feeling to cry. deep in my heart i was so sad because i didn't get what i want , but i have prepared for this. i already told myself before i will accept whatever the god has decided for me. and now the god has decide and i know that civil engineering is the best for me. Talking about another options i have which means from private universities. i do have about 3 or 4 offers from the private universities . but i turn it all down because i might not cut out for the programmes offered. but 2 of them offered me dip in graphic design , which is also my interest. but my attention now is more like to the architectural and civil engineering. the graphic design is actully sit on my number three interested field after civil engineering and architecture, or shall i say architecture and civil engineering, i don't know. And now , i try to make everythings clear to me, and i try to search for the light. and i found it. i already did. its time to choose and make a choice. as i left it to the god to make it for me, He has spokes. And now i know that

Civil Enginerring is the best for me.